Friendships Are Forbidden
by rainingWolf
Summary: In the end, he wasn't the one who pulled away. Everybody else had already cut him out of their lives. Lavi centre. Oneshot.


**Title: **Friendships Are Forbidden  
**Character(s): **Lavi, Bookman, Lenalee Lee, Komui Lee, Kanda Yu, Allen Walker, Miranda Lotto, Marie, Chaozii  
**Pairing(s): **None. Kanda/Lenalee if you squint really hard. But not really.  
**Summary: **In the end, he wasn't the one who pulled away. Everybody else had already cut him out of their lives. Lavi centre. Oneshot.  
**Warning(s): **Curse words. But oh well.  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own . If I did, Lavi would have more appearances and the Kanda arc would've never happened.

* * *

**1.**

As he lie in his bed in the room which he shares with Bookman, with books stacked in haphazard piles that threaten to collapse on the both of them, he wonders if the people he was living with ever considered him as a friend.

His mouth would then twist into a frown and furrows would appear on his forehead as his eyebrows scrunched together as his mentor's voice slithered into his mind.

_Friendships are forbidden._

* * *

**2.**

Out of everybody he knew in the Black Order, it was actually Lenalee who was the most cautious around him.

From what he had seen when he had looked over the balcony towards the multitudes of coffin below, he had spied a fragile looking girl with hair the same colour as the Chief Officer who had been standing right behind him. Tears were spilling down the girl's face as a medic personnel bandaged her arm and whispered what must be comforting words for the young girl leaned in and the two females shared a brief but intimate hug. She had looked so small and delicate, as if she was going to break into pieces any second now, that for one wild moment, he thought that surely she cannot be one of those exorcists who could destroy three akumas without breaking a sweat. But he quickly squashed that foolish thought as a second cursory glance indicated to him what he had not noticed the first time around.

Although crying, her eyes still beamed a light, a strong light, as if to say she was never going to give up, no matter how many people she had to bury because their deaths were not going to be in vain. Sinewy muscles were profuse and her legs showed signs of harsh training that left shiny scars.

He had to turn away then, beckoned by Bookman with just a look, and he had continued his tour of the Black Order's headquarters.

Several days later, he met the girl face to face. Bookman had holed up in their room, translating some ancient text into something readable, and had sent him to get some food and to take a break because he had been fidgeting for the past ten minutes. He had entered the cafeteria, winding the long orange scarf that Johnny had thrusted into his hands the day before around his neck. He told Jerry what Bookman wanted and was waiting patiently for the chief to finish making the meal when a small pale hand reached out from behind to lightly tap him on the shoulder.

He just tilted his head at the interaction and the girl slipped out from behind to stand beside him with a rueful smile on her face.

"I'm sorry. Did I startle you? I didn't mean to." Her voice was soft like rain but he noticed the undercurrent of mirth underneath.

His lips curled up in return as he replied easily, "Nah. It's all right. I don't scare easily."

Her smile grew bigger by a fraction and her eyes blazed with amusement for a moment before it dulled down a little and her eyes turned guarded. "I don't think I've introduced myself yet. I'm Lenalee Lee. My brother's the Chief Officer of the European Branch here." She put out a hand and Lavi dutifully took her hand in his.

He took a critical gaze towards the girl standing before him, not mentioning that he already knew everything about her from the files that Komui had given Bookman. His first assignment from Bookman was to memorize the handful of exorcists and the numerous Finders who made Black Order their home.

He dropped her hands after the customary handshake and responded with a "You can call me Lavi, Miss Lee."

Her nose wrinkled at bit. "You're only a year or two older than me. What's with the 'Miss Lee'? That makes me sound old." Her lips came together to form a pout.

A chuckle escaped Lavi's throat as Jerry came forward with Bookman's dish. "It's a force of habit."

The girl just plopped her fists upon her hips. "Well, just call me Lenalee."

He nodded his consent and turned away, intent on heading back towards Bookman before the elder thought he was slacking and proceeded to bombard him with so much documents he wouldn't see the sun for the next three months.

Lenalee bounced besides him, easily matching his long stride, earning the two of them strange looks from the various Finders as they exited the cafeteria and turned left into a corridor. "How do you like it here so far?"

Lavi blinked at her, uncertain how to respond, and was saved from answering when Komui stepped out from the shadow of an arch. He quickly dipped a shallow bow towards the Head and he heard Lenalee chip out a rather cheery "Good afternoon" towards her brother.

Komui beamed a warm smile towards the two of them. "Oh, I see you're both acquainted now. That's good." He paused for a moment that would have been unnoticeable but Lavi caught it anyways. "I hope you will both become good friends."

Something flickered in Komui's eyes as he said that and Lenalee's eyes grew stormy in return before she turned to wave a farewell at Lavi who just nodded at the both of them before walking away towards his room.

When he handed Bookman his meal, the elder blew out smoke from his nostrils and raised an expectant eyebrow towards his apprentice.

Silence captured the room for a moment until the younger raised his head and his one eye seemed to glow in the dim lights of the room.

"They don't trust us."

And that was all what Bookman needed to hear before he bent over his work once more, quill scratching the surface of the paper.

"No one ever does."

* * *

**3.**

Kanda never really trusted him and this was a testament as to all their fights and the death-kill-die aura that always radiated from the Japanese boy whenever the redhead was around.

Maybe it was because when Lavi first met Kanda, it was just when the redhead was released from the medical bay with a bombarding headache from a blow to the head that resulted in a mild concussion when a flailing Finder had panicked and accidently ran smack dab into Lavi who had been propelled backwards into a water pipe.

Maybe it was because when Lavi first laid eyes on Kanda, the black haired boy had his silky hair down and his back was towards the redhead who, in his concussed state, at first glance, thought that he was actually a she. And that she had a rather shapely behind.

Maybe it was just because Kanda had some innate samurai ninja instinct that told him whether someone was sincere not because Lavi had stepped one foot inside the training room where the Japanese was slashing his sword repeatedly in a training exercise and the redhead had to immediately duck as to avoid the sword that was now being brandished in his face.

"Now that's not a nice greeting," drawled Lavi who had sprang back a couple steps. "I expected better from you, Yu-chan."

A deathly silence ensnared the room as frost seemed to creep into the atmosphere and all fighting in the exercise room stopped as everybody stared at the redhead with rather disbelief expressions on their faces. Some even pressed against the wall in fear as a dark aura seemed to consume the sword welding boy who stalked closer to the redhead.

"_What_?"

Lavi tipped his head to the side a bit before righting it again as his headache pounded, this time fiercer than before.

"I said that that wasn't very nice of you Yu-chan."

A quirk of the eyebrow was all the warning he got before Lavi had to flip backwards on one hand and rebound off the wall to land harmlessly behind the Japanese boy who had thrusted his sword towards where the redhead's stomach would have been if he hadn't dodged.

By now, the occupants in the room were only the two of them as the rest of the occupants had evacuated the room at first sign of danger.

"What? Was it something I said?"

Kanda gritted his teeth as he turned around to face Lavi. "Do. Not. Call. Me. That."

Lavi's eyebrows bunched together. "What? Yu-chan?"

A flick of the swordsman's wrist was all the confirmation Bookman Junior needed and the two were off, one doing complicated sword maneuvers while the other was darting left and right as to not be impaled by the sleek black sword.

Their fighting was stopped when Lenalee had gracefully and rather forcefully stepped in.

Literally.

She had sprang in from what seems like nowhere just when Kanda had used the Butterfly sweep in an attempt to rip Lavi's scarf off and Lavi had just had enough and was about to uppercut Kanda when Lenalee's legs came crashing down in the middle, her boots halting both their advances.

Kanda had stepped back, sword limp in his hand, his face brooding. "Lenalee. Get out of my way. I'm going to cut this guy up and hang his head out of my door for _weeks_."

The guy in question held up in hands in an 'I surrender' gesture, his single eye wide. "Hey now! Isn't that a bit extreme Yu-" A glare was sent his way and the redhead stuttered. "I-I meant Kanda! Kanda!"

An amused smile worked its way on Lenalee's face and she gave a giggle before she suppressed it.

"Now if you guys would stop being such _boys, _let's stop fighting and have a proper introduction shall we?"

Kanda's eyes narrowed when Lavi gave an easy laugh and replied with a bright smile. "Sure!" The redhead thrust out his hand towards the Japanese who just stared rather gingerly at the offered appendage as if it was offending him in some personal way. "Call me Lavi. And no need to say your name. I already know who you are."

A snarl twisted the features on Kanda's face as he digested what the other said. "You already know who _I _am? Who the fuck are you?"

Lenalee opened her mouth to respond, as if sensing the impending doom of answering that question, but she was cut off when Lavi retracted his hand and said in a mild tone, "I already told you who I am."

If possible, Kanda's eyes narrowed even further and his fingers twitched on his sword. Before anything could happen, however, Lenalee had clasped one hand onto his shoulder, steadying him.  
"Kanda, this is Lavi. Remember, I told you about him. He's with Bookman."

An inexplicable expression rippled across Kanda's face at Lenalee's words and his eyes seemed to turn a malevolent pitch black.

"I see." This was said in a very deadpan voice before Kanda sheathed his sword and walked away, marching out of the training room.

Lenalee threw an apologetic smile towards Lavi, mouthed the words 'I'm sorry, he's not usually like that', and bounded after Kanda who was making a fast pace down the corridor.

Lavi watched as Lenalee called out Kanda's name and how he slowed down his stride just long enough for the girl to walk on equal footing as him. And how she leaned in to clasp the black hair boy's wrist lightly and whispered something into his ears which made his stiff shoulders loosen and his head bow towards the girl.

As the duo turned into another corridor and out of sight, Lavi just sighed and clapped his hand on his forehead, massaging it as his headache blossom into a full blown migraine. _How troublesome. _

Later on, in the safety of his room, Bookman had asked him what he had found out today. And all he had to say was "Kanda is exactly as we figured him out to be."

And in the books were the words "_Kanda knows_" in big bold black ink.

* * *

**4.**

It was Allen of all people, the most trusting person whom Lavi had came upon in his journey, who inquired about him.

"We want to know the real you, Lavi."

They had been in one of the training rooms, the both of them just finished sparring, as Lenalee sat back, head on Kanda's shoulder, as she dozed off, exhausted from her bout with the swordsman. Miranda and Marie had just slipped out from the room, probably going to get some food, and Chaozii had been arranging some weights in the corner when Allen had opened his mouth.

Silence immediately shrouded the room as all eyes turned towards Allen and Lavi, Chaozii shifting just a bit as he quietly set down the forty pound weight he was holding.

Lavi's single eye flicked around the room quickly as a lazy smile worked its way on to his face. "What?"

Allen cleared his throat as he stepped back and held a steady gaze towards the redhead, eyes searching for something. "I said, we wanted to-"

His smile did not falter as Lavi cut Allen off, a dangerous edge creeping into his voice. "I heard what you said the first time."

The corner of Allen's mouth started to slide downwards. "Then please answer. We want to know the real you."

Nobody moved as the tension in the air heightened as nothing was readily given by the redhead who just kept smiling as if this was all a big joke, as if someone was going to spring up and yell 'surprise!'.

Several minutes ticked by and the silence was broken when Lavi reached out to ruffle Allen's hair, still smiling. "No, you don't."

Allen's eyes widened as he hastily pulled backwards, face pinched, as if Lavi's answer physically hurt him and Kanda, his eyes flashing, said in a voice that was barely above a whisper, "This is not a fucking _joke, _Lavi."

The boy in question tipped his head back in response, chin pointing outwards, as he closed his single eye and took in a breath. "I never thought of it as one. I'm being completely serious."

By this time, Miranda and Marie had made it back to the room, opening the door with a chorus of 'I got soba and BBQ pork', and their words were quickly quashed as they saw the situation at hand.

Miranda was brave enough to venture out to ask a "Um what's going on?"

The smile Lavi sent her way made her shudder just a little and Marie quickly put a hand on her shoulder, pinning unseeing eyes on the redhead with pinpoint accuracy.

"Nothing's going on. We were just discussing when you guys were ever coming back. I'm _starving_!" Lavi then proceeded to launch himself towards the food and snagged himself a sandwich, throwing one towards the forgotten Chaozii who narrowly caught the food with fumbling fingers.

"Thanks for the food guys. Crap, what time is it? I have to go, Bookman's been on my ass about transcribing these Greek novels for the past three days and I haven't even touched them yet. He's gonna haul me off the tallest tower if I don't finish them by tomorrow." His words faded away as the redhead gracefully stalked towards the door, intent on leaving, until he whirled around in one fluid movement, his single green eye seeming to take everything in.

"Allen." The silver haired boy looked up, face gaunt. "Don't ever ask me that again." The look on Lavi's face twisted into something that invoked just how serious he was, his big smile turning razor sharp.

The tension in the room seemed to increase tenfold until he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him with a 'snap'.

There was a brief moment of silence until a soft voice called out that drew everyone's attention. "It's no use Allen."

Allen turned towards the voice, eyebrows arching as he saw Lenalee with sad eyes staring back. His own voice was equally as quiet although the silence in the room seemed to amplified it, making it seem louder than it actually was.

"What do you mean?"

Lenalee shifted and Kanda gave a grunt as she rolled off him to stand up and stretch. Arms held high in a pose, she said with lingering unhappiness in her voice, "If you met the real Lavi, you'd probably want to kill him."

Miranda and Chaozii's faces showed their surprise at her blunt words while Kanda just clutched tightly at his sword, his knuckles turning a pearly white. Allen sputtered out a "W-what do you mean?"

Lenalee dropped her arms as she said, "I meant what I said Allen. You'd probably want to kill him." Her no nonsense tone mirrored the manner that Lavi had used just moments before.

As Allen groped around for words, it was Marie who spoke up. "Haven't you noticed?" Eyes turned towards him as confusion glanced off all their faces with the exception of Lenalee and Kanda, both of their eyes seeming to turn a dark colour.

"You never hear his footsteps. He's loud and says nonsense things but he's quiet when important events are happening and he hears everything. Allen, he's not our friend. Or did you forget who he really is? He's a Bookman and that's all he's going to be."

And Lavi, who was standing outside the room, back leaning against the wall, just sighed heavily, disregarding the way his heart clenched and hopped at Marie's words.

* * *

**5.**

In the end, Lavi would roll over in his bed and clamped his pillow over his ears, knowing that Bookman was giving him _the _look.

And he supposed that it doesn't really matter if his friends were really his 'friends'.

Because at the rate he's going, he's definitely not going to have any.

And he ignored the ache in his chest as he rolled over once more, his mentor's words ghosting over his ears.

"Do you know why friendship is forbidden? It's because it _hurts."_

* * *

I hope this makes sense.

Reviews are much appreciated.


End file.
